Ainokea: On Stress in the Aloha State

17 May By

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I’m going to assume that you can guess.  That’s right.  According to a Gallup Poll, Hawaii is the least stressed state in the nation.  And while I know you’re thinking that it’s because folks who live here spend all day surfing in crystal clear waters at the base of Diamond Head, you’re wrong and I want to spend this post explaining why.

When you learn that Hawaii is the least stressed state in the nation, you have to understand some other statistics to have the full picture:  Hawaii is regularly listed among the most expensive places to live in the nation (Honolulu is third on this year’s list), it’s traffic is the second worst in the nation (although it might rank #1 if you do the calculation a little differently) and the number of people working more than one job to make ends meet is exceedingly high in this state.

The point?

We may have incredible beaches, incomparable mountain vistas and tropical beauty all around us, but most folks on these islands spend long hard hours at work or commuting.

And yet, the people of Hawaii really are incredible.  Laid back.  Content (or maybe sometimes resigned).  I say “the people of Hawaii” here because I don’t feel like I’ve been here long enough to include myself.  And offering that caveat, I’d like to share a list of reasons why I think Hawaii is the least stressed out state:

  • People are nice.  During my daily commute I travel 12 miles in 50 minutes.  You mathematicians know that means I average 14.4 mph.  On a highway.  And you know what?  If I need to change lanes, there’s always someone ready to let me in.  If a pedestrian needs to cross that highway, we all kindly stop.  Because people here are nice.  And, they’re not just nice in traffic.  I’ve been clomping around in my office in a post-op shoe trying to heal a stress fracture and every day, dozens of people I’ve never met stop me to ask what happened, offer sympathy and tell me they’ll pray it heals soon.  It’s hard to be stressed out when there’s so much Aloha floating around.
  • American culture as main-landers know it, is absent.  I love my country and I’m proud to be an American, but folks, there are some things American culture just gets wrong.  Like over-consumption.  Like keeping up with the Jones’.  Like making a perfectly decorated mansion with white picket fences a life goal.  Practically, these things don’t work here.  Over-consumption is cost-prohibitive and white picket fences?  Hey, you’re lucky if you even have a yard here.  But beyond practicality, I think Hawaii’s young statehood and cultural melting pot are its greatest attributes.  “Foreign” cultures are hugely influential here and since looking different from your neighbor is the norm, I get the sense that folks spend less time comparing themselves to one another and more time absorbing the beauty of all those differences…and realizing how much sameness there is.  Instead of pursuing the two-kids-SUV-white-picket-fence-golden-retriever cliche, folks here pursue the best part of the ‘ol American dream:  happiness.
  • Family.  Family, or ohana,  is big in Hawaii and you don’t have to share genes with someone to be in their ohana. When I still lived in NC and after my first close friend had a baby, I developed the habit of calling myself Auntie Sarah to the offspring of friends and acquaintances alike.  I am confident that a good 50% of those parents – who don’t mistrust me in anyway – felt like the designation of Auntie was awkward because we weren’t related.  In Hawaii, I’m Auntie Sarah to kids whose names I don’t know, because community is family.  I know strong family bonds are partly a product of geography:  people tend to live near their families because islands just aren’t that big.  And so, here at last, I’ll give a physical aspect of the Hawaiian islands a little credit:  thanks for being islands, which keep families close.
  • Work Hard, Chill Hard.  Before I explain this one, let me first say that folks on Oahu are very active in all kinds of outdoor hobbies, so I don’t want to imply that folks just sit around on their butts all day.  BUT. But, Hawaii understands the value of not scheduling every moment.  Go to a beach park on any given Saturday or Sunday and you’ll find huge ohana gatherings (use that definition of family I gave above) grilling out and just stone-cold relaxing.  Drive through a neighborhood pau hana (after work)  and take note of how many folks are sitting in folding chairs on their lanais or in the driveway just shootin’ the breeze.  People know how to relax here.  For real.  And they don’t feel guilty about it.

These reasons, in my opinion, are why Hawaii is the least stressed state in the nation.  Not the blue water.  Not the palm trees.  Not the Mai Tais.  It’s all in the way people handle stressors.

A favorite bumper sticker I see during my very slow commute reads “Ainokea”.  If you pronounce that with Hawaiian phonics and use a little imagination, you realize it means ” I no care” (Eye No Cay-uh).  Now, I do know the origins of these bumper stickers, but for me, they conjure up the old slogan of Alfred E. Newman of MAD Magazine:  “What, me worry?”.  And so when I see that particular sticker, I’m reminded not to stress out.  Why worry?  Lucky we live in Hawaii.

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Why I Don’t Like Quentin Tarentino – or – Now I Understand Peter Griffin

4 May By

Last night I posed a simple question to the Twitterverse:

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A few folks answered my actual question (The move is queued up), but someone pinged me to ask why I don’t like Quentin Tarentino.  My answer to that question is sort of complicated, so I set it up in classic “Sarah Argument” style.  If you know me, chances are you’ve been the victim of said style.  I’m sorry, and simultaneously, you’re welcome.  Anyway, the answer went like this:

1) Agree with the premise that Quentin Tarentino’s movies are all edgy or weird or shocking in some way. [We agreed on the premise]

2) Point out that his movies feature either bizarre or interesting characters doing every day things or every day characters doing bizarre and interesting things. [After some debate, we both accepted this as well]

3) Identify the flaw in the first two points:  Quentin Tarentino follows a formula that involves wedding the ordinary and the bizarre and then peppering it with shock or edginess….

….and really good stories don’t follow formulas. (I just remembered that I brought this up before when talking about books here).

4) Accept (and deflect) counter-arguments.  Here my friend mentioned that Steven Spielberg often follows of formula of telling epic adventure stories coupled with special effects.  I acknowledge this and mention that the predictability of such movies is boring becomes tiresome.  But, Spielberg seems to realize this and is perhaps bored of it himself, so he diverges a bit by telling true epic stories like Schindler’s List and Saving Private Ryan.

Anyway the discussion went on for a bit and finally ended when my friend divulged that he too dislikes Quentin Tarentino.  I should have been satisfied, but I’m the queen of sound bites (here’s what a sound bite is) and I’m often compelled to summarize my thoughts with one.  That’s when Peter Griffin popped into my head:

And there it is.  Quentin Tarentino movies insist upon themselves.  They’re like an insecure twenty-something who decides to be a hipster and tries so, so hard to be a hipster that absolutely no one is ever convinced he’s a hipster.  That kid insists upon his hipster self.  Tarentino can’t just tell a story.  He insists upon adding in torture scenes or ninjas or unusual overdose remedies.

That’s why I don’t like Quentin Tarentino.  And why I now feel like I know Peter Griffin, just a little bit better.

PS – The Godfather is a great movie.

 

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How to Spot a Great Book (and few to recommend)

19 Feb By

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This bookworm is excited to be linking up with Taylor and Lesley, my fellow Literary Junkies.  Like to read?  Join in and share the love!  This week’s questions really get to my reading soul, the source of my love for books.  I’d love to hear your thoughts as well!

1.  What are you reading right now? Tell us about it.

- I’m reading listening to Lost in Shangri-La  by Mitchell Zuckoff (who does the reading) during my interminable bouts on the recumbent bike.  It’s really the only thing getting me through those workouts… Anyway it’s a true story about some American troops on New Guinea during WWII who become marooned in an unknown land with what they believe to be a tribe of cannibals.  It’s beyond fascinating and very well-written.  Strong recommend for this one!
- I’ve also just started The Hare with Amber Eyes by Edmund de Waal, an intriguing history of multiple generations of one great European family as discovered while the author researched an inherited collection.  Too early to review, but so far I at least appreciate the prose!
- Finally, to add something lighter to the mix, I’m dabbling with The Paris Wife by Paula McLain (in follow-up to Hemingway’s Moveable Feast, which I just finished).  It’s about Hemingway and his “Paris Wife”, Hadley, though it is an historical fiction piece.  Having just finished Moveable Feast, I find McLain’s writing style to very much in line with Hemingway’s, so this book is really working for me so far.

2. Give us the recipe for a great book.  There isn’t one! In fact, I can tell the difference between someone who writes for the art of writing or because he can’t help but spill out a story and someone who writes to keep publishers and consumers buying, following some proven “recipe” or “method”.  The latter almost never grips me, feeling a bit like an arranged marriage: perfect pictures, great description and no actual feeling.    The former, however, are written in a way that I can almost physically feel the story pushing against the author’s skin from the inside, hoping to get out and be shared.  These books can suck me out of reality so profoundly that when someone who belongs in my actual space and time interrupts my reading, I’m momentarily confused, unable to place (for example) my husband walking in to the kitchen in the context of the book.  Maybe my short answer is this:  If The Gentleman interrupts my reading by saying hello and I look at him bewildered, thinking “wait, what are you doing in 1963 Michigan or the castle at Winterfell?” THAT, that is a great book.  Also, if I’m compelled to keep reading a book not because I’m curious about how it ends, but because I feel personally  responsible for liberating the story and resolving  the conflict of not knowing all its details, then THAT, that is a great book.

3. Tell us things you’ve learned from a book recently. Did you learn anything about history? Did you take away a deep & profound realization about the world around you? Or maybe even a beauty tip? One of the main reasons I read is to soak up history – not just events but the more subtle “where we come from” details that truly talented writers capture with ease.  It would be impossible to list all that I’ve learned, but I think a recent stand-out detail is the way different languages capture similar ideas in such different ways because of the influence of culture. Specifically, I learned in Lost in Shangri-La that the aboriginal people who “star” in the true story used the same word to describe their current place and time.  So, where romance languages describe those two things differently (as, um, place and time), the two concepts are represented as one word and therefore probably one concept in this particular tribe.  It makes me wonder about the unique characteristics of culture that would lead a people to not distinguish between place and time.  Interestingly, that language also spoke of war using a word the implied war was a constant and unending state.  Whole other can of worms, there, folks.

4. What was your favorite book as a child?I’ve mentioned these before, but Secret Garden and all of the Little House on the Prairie books were my favorite.  They are all perfect examples of subtle detail-capturing that when woven together show our history without bluntly stating it.  To this day, I have a vivid picture of the (secret) garden in my mind that taunts me and makes me want to discover concealed connections.  Great books, all.

What are you reading these days?  Have any authors particularly inspired you?

Have these questions inspired your own responses?  Link up here.

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New Year, New Mercies

14 Jan By

Mercy Mondays with Jenn LeBow

I’m pumped to once again be linking up with Jenn for Mercy Mondays.  If you need a  little Monday morning inspiration, hop on over to her site and check out all the other submissions in this series.

I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions (no really.  I don’t even secretly form them in my head and not tell anyone), but I’m really intrigued by the One Word 365 notion.  This movement suggests you land on one word – a feeling, an inspiration, a goal, whatever – and commit to keeping it in your cross-hairs for an entire year.

The first word that popped in to my head was “grace” because I’m not excellent or even just okay about giving the people around me grace.  Alas, I abandoned this word pretty quickly because it felt like the top floor in a building with no first floor.  How the heck is deciding that “grace” is my word going to make me more graceful? I needed to take the elevator down and identify a better starting point.

That brought me to a second word: “control“. I realized that most of the time I fail to forgive people, to give them grace, because to do so feels like giving up control.  If you cut me off in traffic and I shake my head (really.  it’s my head I’m shaking.  not my middle finger) and say “what an idiot!” I’m in control.  Because I’m the good driver and you’re the one to be pitied or the target of my road rage.  If, instead, I have to admit that maybe you made an honest mistake cutting me off, may be I was driving too fast or not noticing your turn signal, I no longer have the upper hand.  I need to stop clinging to control, but that word was smoke from a doused flame – I can see it, I know it matters, but it has no energy behind it.

After control came “mercy” and then “kindness” and then “gentleness” and slew of other words central to my belief in God, but somehow not inspiring to me at this juncture.  How could that be?  If I really, REALLY believe that God sent Jesus to save me from all the dirt and that gift is so great that it should inspire me to point back to God with everything I do, how could it be that I can’t get excited about showing people more grace, mercy, kindness, gentleness while giving up control?

How could it be if I really BELIEVE…?  Boom.

There’s my word.  What a great mercy it is that I don’t have to toil away at changing my dirt-filled heart with empty resolutions and self-help books.  I just have to believe – really, truly believe – and the spirit will work on me.

Galatians  5:22-24: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
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Questions to Ask Your Pastor

10 Jan By

Warning:  I’m about to go ON topic with this blog post.  I say “on” topic because this blog is supposed to be about my full-of-dirt walk with God but I really don’t post enough about that relationship.  That’s going to change in 2013.

Anyway, I’m a reader (and adorer) of a fantastic blog, Rage Against the Minivan.  Go ahead and click on over and meet Kristen.  She’s a clever, bold woman and I dig that.  She’s also not afraid to get dirty, so that fits right in with mantra.  She recently posted a response to mega-church pastor Mark Driscoll in response to one of his famous twitter jabs and I really felt like she was right on. If you don’t know who Driscoll is or what the big deal is, click the links in her post.

That said, at the end of her post she mentioned churches in the Acts 29 Network, which Mark Driscoll led for many years, in a way that seemed negative.  Both churches I’ve loved and been a part of over the last few years are Acts 29 Churches.  Now, I know, based on her responses to comments, that Kristen does not believe that all or even many of the churches in this network operate like Señor Driscoll, but I noticed that a lot of the other readers didn’t catch that distinction.  In fact, a couple of folks who left comments said that as result of the information in that blog post, they’d never go to an Acts 29 Church.

That made me sad and I told Kristen so in a comment.  I also told her that I understood what she was trying to say : that when you join a church, particularly one affiliated with a – how do you say – notorious? bombastic? leader like Mark Driscoll, you ought to ask questions about how things are done in that church and remain vigilant in looking for truth.  Fact is, pastors are human and they are going to screw up.  Good pastors admit it and do what they can to fix it.  Scary pastors condemn their critics and keep on keepin’ on.

I thought back to just a few years ago when I hated God and the church and bible thumpers and goody-goodies, but was convinced by a friend to go to an Acts 29 Church and realized that when I first visited that church in NC – a healthy, loving church that has never been perfect, but works so, so hard to humbly preach truth and love the people  – that I would have had no idea what a good leader looked like.  I was lucky:  the pastor and leaders at that church are truly humble, thoughtful people who really care for the community they live in.  But, when it comes to our walk with God, I don’t think luck is good enough.

I asked Kristen (via comment – but I’m commenter number 6 bazillion, so she may not see it) if she would perhaps come up with list of questions a new church-goer could ask leaders to help them discern “good” from “maybe-good” from “not-so-great” to “outright-terrifying” leadership.  I hope she’ll do that because she’s probably wiser than I.  But just in case, I thought I’d pull together my own.  So, if you’re going to a church for the first time, whether as a new believer, a skeptic, a long-time church attendee or just out of curiosity, consider asking the pastor or other leaders these questions:

  1. Do you have a mission statement?  Statement of beliefs and values?  Can I have a copy? (A solid church will have both thought these things out and typed them up somewhere.  Read them and ask questions.)
  2. What do I have to do to be a good Christian? (Hopefully your pastor will explain that being a Christian is about following Christ and not about checking off a list of deeds in order to be deemed “good”)
  3. I have been doing a lot of [drugs, crime, extramarital affairs, other sin] lately.  How do you feel about that? (Confession of sin should be met with grace and a determination to help you overcome it, NOT judgement, disgust, hate, anger, or dismissal.  It also shouldn’t be glossed over)
  4. What if I disagree with something you preach?  (a good pastor is a teacher, not a dictator.  He or she should be willing to discuss disagreement or to at least point you to another leader or resource about the issue)
  5. Who did you vote for in the last presidential election? (churches are not campaign offices.  A pastor may choose to answer this, but if he or she gets up on a political soapbox or assumes you would already know who he or she voted for, you may be looking at a politicized church. )
  6. Do you have any friends who don’t believe in God? (This one’s kind of tricky, but being a Christian is about spreading the word of Christ.  If your pastor doesn’t have any non-believer friends, he’s going to have a hard time sharing the word of Christ with non-believers)
  7. What kind of rules do I have to follow to go to this church? (Again, a little tricky.  Generally speaking, God intended his church to be open to anyone, welcoming and loving of all people, because Christ loves us all.  A church that tells people they can only join if they don’t drink beer is failing to show Christ to a whole lotta beer drinkers.  However, some rules make sense.  For example, most churches are not going to be cool with someone preying on its members in some way.  So, if you’re going to church in order to recruit victims for your pyramid scheme, that’s not cool.  Still, a solid church will first intervene with this kind of behavior in an attempt to bring you out of sin and only as a last resort boot you out of the building.)
  8. What does God say about my identity as a [female, male, addict, member of an ethnic minority, homosexual, prostitute, homeless person, Patriots fan, circus clown, etc]? (If the response to this makes you feel demeaned, less-than, dirty, bad, hated, or disgusting you have my personal permission to end the interview and walk right on out of there. When he walked this earth, Jesus didn’t make the people he encountered feel that way.  The end.)
  9. If my spidey-sense tells me that your leadership is harmful in some way, is there another leader I can talk to about this?  (Good pastors are willing to take rebuke and submit to a system of checks and balances.  If a pastor has absolute rule, be wary.)

In general, solid, loving church leadership should be willing to discuss difficult or controversial topics, answer questions, accept differences, and welcome people of all walks of life with the intention of shepherding – not controlling or manipulating -  them towards God.

Now, I’m sure I missed some good questions in here.  What else would be good to ask?

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Do I have to turn in my Girl Card?

3 Jan By

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Here’s some dirt: I used some of my extra laziness time off over the holidays to catch up on some blogs and other social media posts I’d missed during very busy prior weeks and I learned something about myself in the process:

Apparently, I’m not really a girl.

I’ve been told by friends before that I’m a “dude in a chick’s body” and described as a tomboy, and as I read the things my fellow biological females write about and delight in, I started making a list of topics women seem to enjoy that I really, really don’t.  I’m sharing the list below along with a very important question for you ladies:  Do I have to turn in my Girl Card?

  • Glitter.  Glitter is literally  my nightmare.  That stuff gets stuck to EVERYTHING and I’ll find bits of it in my hair or on my clothes months after my last interaction with it.  I’m probably OCD, but man I hate it.
  • “Reality” TV. I’m one of those people who squirms when I see someone public embarrass herself, so these shows are a constant squirm-fest for me.  Also, they in no way reflect any reality I’ve ever lived in.  Okay, I think Duck Dynasty is funny, but that’s the only one.
  • Shopping.  I used to enjoy this one, so maybe there’s a hint of girl in me after all.  Now, though?  I shop online maybe twice a year and buy in bulk.  Can’t stand browsing.
  •  Sweet Wine.  Can’t handle sweet wine unless it’s a nice port.  This, however, is obviously part of a bigger problem for me:  I also hate chocolate.
  • Botox.  Okay, this just blows my mind.  I saw at least a dozen mentions of hosting Botox parties among gals I know IN THEIR 20′S!  Don’t do it, ladies!  You’ve got a very confident decade on your horizon and you don’t need  that stuff!
  • Heels. I like TAR Heels, but the other kind remind me of hours and hours stalking legislative halls in my early 2000′s suit and pumps, the lasting legacy of which is a jacked up lower back and painful arches.  I’ll take flats, thank you.

I’m not judging people who like these things,

So, ladies who like all of these things, what’s the verdict?  Do I turn in my Girl Card?

Are there any quintessentially “girl” things you don’t like?

I’d like to dedicate this post to my awesome older brothers who beat the girl out of me by practicing professional wrestling moves on me as a kid.

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More for your Bookshelf

19 Dec By

A few weeks ago, I linked up with the lovely Taylor and Lesley for the first in the “Literary Junkies” series.  I’m back today with part two, and as before, a few book recommendations.  Also, get in touch with either of these ladies to join our online book club – we’re just starting book two so now is  good time to jump in!

Goings on in Texas
1. What are you currently reading? Tell us about it.  I am smack in the middle of World Without End by Ken Follet.  This book is a sequel of sorts to Pillars of the Earth and focuses on life in a small English town in the 1300s centered around a major cathedral and priory.  I enjoyed Pillars of the Earth as an easy read so thought I’d give this one a try and you know what?  Same book.  That’s not a criticism per se – I’m still enjoying Pillars of the Earth – but it IS a clone of its older sibling. That said, I’ll give the book of 3 of 5 stars.  It’s entertaining with an easy-to-read voice but it’s not going to win any Pulitzers.  Perfect for holiday time!


2. If you could choose any author in the world to write a story based on your life, who would you choose to be the author? Why? Definitely Laura Hillenbrand. She’s able to take what is essentially a boring life story (I’m looking at you, Seabiscuit.  And me.  Also looking at me.) and make it entirely readable.  I’d need someone like that to write my run-of-the-mill life story.

3. Tell us about your favorite place to read. I do 90% of my reading in bed, propped up on about 4 pillows with my little Kindle cover lighting my way. Reading is to blame for my exhaustion most of the time because when a book is good, I’m known to stay up reading all night.

4. What books would you buy for lovers of a) suspense/mystery, b) chicklit, c) comedy, d) literary fiction, e)nonfiction, f) classics? (You can choose how many of those subcategories you want to talk about.)

I’d buy Dennis Lehane for mystery lovers, assuming we’re talking about airport novel style fiction.

I wouldn’t buy chicklit.

I can’t begin to list what I’d buy in literary fiction but you can see some of my faves here and here.

For Non-fiction I’d buy Norman Mailer’s Executioner’s Song or Neil Sheehan’s Bright and Shining Lie or Truman Capote’s In Cold Blood, or Shelby Foote’s Civil War or anything by Alison Weir.  I like non-fiction.

As to classics, you can’t go wrong with Lewis Carroll or Alexandre Dumas or Leo Tolstoy.

And, as promised, a few book recommendations from yours truly:

Freedom (Jonathan Franzen) – Folks this book is huge, and not just because it has so many pages.  Really, its an epic of modern American life following a family across several decades of dysfunction and love.  I was surprised I liked it, but now I give it a strong recommend. (Franzen, by the way, is an excellent author)

In the Garden of Beasts: Love, Terror, and an American Family in Hitler’s Berlin (Erik Larson) – This book transports you to pre-WWII Germany along with the U.S. Ambassador to that country at the time and his young family.  I finished this book with a totally new perspective on our nation’s dealings with Hitler’s Germany and a vibrant picture of that country in that time.

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On Addiction

13 Dec By

It’s apparently pretty hip to set a goal to run a marathon.  Well, it WAS hip, until I did it and made it uncool, so on to the next fad, folks.  Anyway, the fitness market has definitely capitalized on this trend, producing ridiculous amounts of running gear and publishing literally hundreds of training regimens and advice articles.  Marathon running is pitched as being great for your physical health (it is…to a point), an excellent social activity when done in groups, and a gratifying experience overall.

What no one says is this:  Training for a marathon will completely take over your life and like a drug, start to control you.

It’s not that the running sessions themselves are so time consuming, although there are weeks where you’ll run 40 miles, but rather that the effort takes a great deal of mental capital and that kind of focus ultimately dominates your life. The entire last month before I ran the Honolulu Marathon was marked by one thought:  “When is the next time I can run?”.  That sounds remarkably similar to “When can I get my next fix?”, huh?

For me, this effect was heightened since I transitioned from 1/2 marathon training straight into marathon training with no break (that’s dumb, by the way.  take a break).  Today is the first day since, oh, June that my mind hasn’t been occupied by getting in a good run.  I guess I’m on the twelve steps to recovery.

To further encourage my new running sobriety, I’ve been focusing on some exciting non-running plans looming on the horizon.  Here’s what I have to look forward to:

1.  Hubby is coming home!  The Gentleman has been in Asia for the past few weeks, dodging earthquakes, tsunamis and the occasional North Korean missile, but I’m picking him up from the airport today and he says he’s brought home some sake.  Sake it to me, baby.

2.  Hubby has vacation!  Y’all this man hasn’t been able to take leave in like 75 years, so this is a really big deal.  I’m so excited we’ll get to have a real Christmas

3.  Oh! And we’re headed to Kauai for Christmas!  Actually, I’ve got to get on planning that little trip ASAP, but there will be lots of hikes and boats involved.

4. I’ve got a New Year’s party to plan!  So, uh, who wants to do this for me?  I hate planning parties.

5. It’s almost time to start training to meet pace goals for the Great Aloha Run!  DAMN!  Fell off the wagon.

 

Hi.  My name is Sarah, and I’m addicted to running.  I’ve been sober for 3 days.

 

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Compassion

1 Oct By

Mercy Mondays with Jenn LeBow

Today’s Mercy Mondays prompt is “Mercy as Compassion”.  Usually when we think about compassion, we think of feeding the poor or caring for the sick or grieving, but compassion can be simpler, part of the every day and still infinitely impactful.  Warning:  the story I’m about to tell contains a shameless promotion (unpaid, unsolicited) of one of my favorite brands…
A few years ago, air travel was a part of my work week almost every week: a hefty handful of southeastern states made up my turf and since my job relies on strong relationships, I hopped on flights to Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana or Mississippi several times a week.  As all business travelers do, I quickly weeded out several airlines as totally unacceptable and became a fiercely loyal customer to the carrier that delivered me most often on time and intact to my destination:  Southwest Airlines, The LUV Airline.

If you’ve never flown with Southwest, you’re really missing something special.  The airline’s employees – from pilots and flight attendants to gate agents and baggage handlers – seem to be happier than any of the folks slogging away for larger competitors and while aboard your likely to be serenaded with and on-key musical rendition of the obligatory passenger safety instructions.  Heck, there was even a flight attendant on my regular route between Raleigh and Nashville who knew I preferred “Plane Crackers” (which are plain crackers) to peanuts for my in-flight snack. 

My story takes place on a Thursday.  I know because I’d already flown to and from Louisiana AND Tennessee that week.  I’d had multiple delayed flights (thanks to thunderstorms – I never hold that against an airline), a flat tire on my rental car and when I’d tried to do laundry in between trips, I’d learned my dryer had passed on.  I’d eked out a total of about 15 hours of sleep over four days and was running late for my flight to Louisville, KY.   I had managed to check in to my flight 24 hours in advance and I was third in line to board, so I was hoping my week’s tide was turning.

The gate agent scanned my boarding pass and instead of the usual “bing!” that means “Thanks for checking in early!  Your reward is your favorite aisle seat!”, I heard the wrong-answer buzzer.  Something was wrong with my boarding pass.  It turns out, via some one-time computer glitch, I’d been booked on the exact flight, day and time I was planning to take, only for one year later.  And, because so many flights had been delayed by thunderstorms that week, my desired flight was now completely full…with other people.


I trudged over to the ticket counter and stood in a sad little line with my sad little carry-on to make alternate arrangements.  The ticket agent endured twenty minutes of what I can only describe as a practice in  Honors Expletive-Laced Syntax at the hands of the angry customer in front of me in line.  I was amazed at the composure of the ticket agent who cobbled together the best possible solution for this merciless customer and sent him on his way with a smile and a thank you and I resolved to be especially nice to her as we dealt with my issue. 


While this angel of a ticket agent clicked away on her keyboard (honestly, are they really actually typing that much or is it just for show?) searching for a new flight for me, we commiserated about how hateful people can be in the airport.  I shared my week’s travel delays with her and we quipped about people who seem to panic in the security line when they don’t think they’re moving fast enough. 
She must have apologized that I wouldn’t make my flight to Kentucky at least a dozen times in the course of the conversation, lamenting that I would have to wait in the airport for several more hours and be even more exhausted. She talked to me like a mother soothing a disappointed child and sympathized with my plight.

At one point, I sighed and said “Well, at least now I have time to get some lunch.”
She smiled and replied, “That’s a good perspective.  I’ll buy you that lunch.”

We both chuckled and she finished printing my new tickets and my voucher for a free future flight (right on, Southwest!).  She handed over the documents and as I gathered my things, I noticed her shuffling under her desk and then suddenly she was standing beside me, digging in to her own wallet for $20 to buy me lunch.

Her own money.  For my lunch.

It was a simple act of compassion, born out of a sense of mercy for someone as harried and exhausted  as I was that day. 
I didn’t take her money, assuring her that since I was on business travel, I would be reimbursed for my meal, but I did take her name and made sure to write a letter thanking her and Southwest for the hospitality.

That ticket agent – her name was Karen – showed me the kind of compassion God calls us to:  an act of mercy, with love and concern for her fellow man that flowed with such ease it must have come from a deep well capable of quenching dozens of people daily.  It was an act of mercy I didn’t deserve (really, disgruntled business travelers most often deserve stubbed toes) and ultimately a fairly simple gesture, but it’s touched the way I deal with the people around me every day since it happened.

Who says angels don’t dwell among us?
Join Mercy Mondays!

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Pardon Me

24 Sep By

Mercy Mondays with Jenn LeBow

Happy Mercy Monday Y’all!  I’m linking up again today with Jenn to talk about mercy as pardon.

When we pardon someone we not only forgive him for his offense, we actually wipe the slate clean.  If I accidentally bump into someone in a coffee shop and say “pardon me” I’m asking that person to not only forgive me for spilling the coffee, but to also count me innocent of the bump – I didn’t do it on purpose, so it wasn’t a malicious act I deserve to be punished for.  Legally, when one of our nation’s leaders pardons an offender, the leader is declaring that not only is the offender no longer subject to punishment, but that in fact the offender isn’t an offender at all.  All this to say, that when we’ve been pardoned, we’ve been spared punishment AND labeling.

God offered us a full pardon when he turned his wrath against sin on his son.  It can be tempting, then, to believe that our sin doesn’t matter all that much.  If God’s going to spare us punishment AND the label of sinner, why should it matter how we treat the people around us?  Why should it matter if we wallow in selfishness?  But while those who follow Christ do have the unbelievable mercy of pardon, all sin has consequence.

I am reminded of a case I followed for some years.  A man had been convicted of murdering a woman and sentenced death.  He maintained his innocence the but the evidence against him was damning.  You see, shortly before her murder, this man had been seen drinking and doing drugs with her at a local bar.  He had been violent with women in the past and was known to intimidate ex-girlfriends by following them around his town.  After a short trial, a jury convicted him of first degree murder, based in large part on a history of violent sin.

This man spent nearly 20 years in prison (while he received the death penalty, the state he was sentenced in had placed a moratorium on executions), declaring his innocence to anyone who would listen.  Meanwhile, in a forensics lab, a DNA sample associated with his case slowly inched closer and closer to the top of the test list until one day, a lab worker ran the sample and realized that this man couldn’t be the murderer.  After many more months of legal wrangling, the man was officially pardoned:  released from prison, declared innocent and payed restitution for his suffering.

It’s clear that sin had dire consequences in this man’s life.  He was imprisoned for two decades, missing the opportunity to raise his children or live his life because he’d behaved violently in the past, because he’d used drugs.  His own sin made him look guilty.  The sin of another, the real murderer, ended the victim’s life and destroyed the lives of those who loved her, the man wrongly convicted and his loved ones.

The most humbling – and telling – part of this story, though, came in an interview with the pardoned man several years later.  The reporter asked him if he was bitter about how his life had turned out.

With great humility he stated that he had no reason to be bitter.  He’d done terrible things to people and lived his life selfishly and he’d paid a great price for that.  Then he looked right into the camera and said “There is justice in this world.  Every time you hurt someone or do something bad you should know that there will be consequences.  I am not a murderer but I have done things that deserved punishment.”

God promised us a pardon if only we would believe.  As with the wrongly convicted man, this means  that we are forgiven, our lives are spared the punishment we deserve and when we leave this sinful world, God erases the label “sinner.”  But while we live in a sinful world, because he is also a just God, we will see the consequences of our sin.

Join Mercy Mondays!  Link up here.

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New Design

20 Sep By

So, readers, what do you think of the new design here at Notice the Dirt?  I love it!  Shout out to Kristi at Creative Kristi Designs for the makeover!

 

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Filed Under: Thoughts

Unmerciful Me.

10 Sep By

MercyMondays150
I’m excited today to be joining in with Mercy Mondays, a project hosted by my friend Jenn who’s decided that mercy is the “new black”.  Each week, Jenn will provide a prompt focused on mercy and participants can respond however they like.  This week’s prompt:  What mercy isn’t.

In an effort to organize my thoughts around this prompt I made a list of both merciful and unmerciful things I’ve done or seen recently.  The unmerciful list was disgustingly long and I was only able to list a couple of merciful moments.  I’d chosen the second list based on the notion that showing mercy is offering compassion and forgiveness.

  • Didn’t yell at the repairman for tracking mud all over my clean floors.
  • Paid for bread for a woman who’d forgotten her wallet.
  • Helped out an acquaintance who has blown me off several times recently.
  • Tipped a tired, grumpy waitress an amount equal to the bill.
  • Donated money to a fund to bring fresh produce to at-risk school children.
  • Watered my neighbor’s dying plants.

That list doesn’t seem too bad, does it?  I was even a little proud of it which is a good sign it’s nothing to be proud of.  If I’m honest, I have to admit that there was very little actual mercy practiced on that list.

I didn’t yell at that repairman because he wasn’t done fixing my air conditioning and climate control was more important to me than justice for my floors.  I paid for the bread because I wanted the woman to finish her transaction so I could check out.  I helped out the acquaintance because I hoped she would treat me better moving forward.  I donated money because I didn’t want the checkout clerk to think I was stingy.  I watered the plants because they make my lanai look bad.

All those mercies were adding up to one big pile of selfish, wimpy vanity.  Sure, they were nice things to do, but they were motivated by a desire to make my own life better or easier rather than by legitimate compassion.  These “random acts of kindness” may have helped the folks on the receiving in, but they were ultimately empty.

Mercy isn’t an action, the final product of concern or obligation.  Mercy isn’t what we do but our motivation to do it.

Any dark heart can perform a good deed. Did you know that serial killer Ted Bundy volunteered at a suicide prevention hotline?  In fact, before he was known as a murderer, he was well known for his service and good deeds.  We know from his later behavior that he was not driven by mercy for his fellow man.  Indeed he seemed incapable of it.

True acts of mercy happen when the good deed is married to empathy, forgiveness and love.

You might have noticed when I refuted the items on that list of merciful things I’d done, that I left one item out.  I let tipping my waitress 100% stand as an act of mercy.  Let me be clear, though.  The mercy was God’s and I was just his tool – as you can tell from my list up there, by myself, I’m just not good at mercy.

I was dining alone and since I was this waitress’ smallest table, she essentially ignored me.  She never refilled my water, forgot my side of mayonnaise and took a long time to bring my check.  All the while, she was dealing with a half-dozen other tables including a party of eight seated next to me who were treating her rudely.  I noticed that when she paused at the computer to enter orders, she absently rubbed the small of her back or the bridge of her nose as though she had a headache.  She dropped several bowls when clearing a table.  After one of her tables left, some teenagers passing by grabbed her cash tip off the table (we were sitting outside) and ran.  She was having a very bad day.

I tipped her the cost of my meal because I’ve treated innocent people poorly when I’ve had a bad day.  I tipped her the cost of my meal because as I watched her, God reminded me that I know what it’s like to believe your day will get progressively worse as it wears on and to feel like no one cares or can help.  I tipped her the cost of my meal because the only difference between us that night is that she was on the clock.  God has always cared for me on bad days and when I’ve failed other people, and I wanted to show her she’s cared for too.  Because mercy isn’t something I can give on my own.

 

 

 

 

 

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It’s My Birthday…

13 Aug By

… and the fact that I just publicly shared that fact is pretty unusual for me.  You see, I’m not at all comfortable being celebrated the way that most birthday girls are.  As a friend once eloquently put it, I’m an “ungracious center of attention” meaning that sitting in the princess seat is at best an awkward experience.

Nonetheless, I had some thoughts about birthdays, and particularly the ones that have taken place in my fourth decade on this planet and I thought it might be fun to share them.

So head on over to My Thirty Spot for my guest post in the Love for 30 Project Series.  I’ll even divulge which year in my thirties I’m entering!

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Join the Love for 30 Project here:

My Thirty Spot

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Favorite Sponsor Posts

10 Aug By

Yesterday I introduced you to some newer sponsors here at Notice the Dirt.  I hope you’ve enjoyed their blogs as much as I do.  It makes me feel like a cool kid to know such talented and smart women!

Today, I wanted to put you back in touch with my original sponsors who are all ladies I’m lucky to call friends.  I thought it would be fun to share a few of my favorite posts from each of their blogs to help you touch base with them.  Be sure to say hello to these gals!

Goings on in Texas

Taylor at Goings on in Texas is a true community builder here in social media land – she even coordinated a great Google chat with the bloggers on this list so we could “meet” in real time. Here are two favorite posts:

Blogging Perspectives

Celebrate

Recipe for a Beautiful Life

Brie blogs at Recipe for a Beautiful Life and is somewhat of a virtual fitness buddy.  She does a much better job sharing workouts and updates than I do, and is always an inspiration.  Here are two favorite posts:

Ditch the Elliptical

Maybe Baby

Suzanne, aka The Wineabe will always have a piece of my heart…in her wine glass…  A lover of beautiful spaces, good food and of course, wine, Suzanne is always good for firing up the dreamer in me.  Here are two favorite posts:
National Wine Day
Painted Spaces: A Lively Laundry Room

From Our Hiding Place

Lauren from Our Hiding Place lives in my dream home and while her crazy energetic dog drives her crazy sometimes, I still want to dognap him for snuggles.  Lauren’s got some great design ideas.  Check out two favorite posts here:

Deck the Halls

Reflection on 25

And last but never least is spunky Miss Nikki from The Pink Growl.  Nikki is busy busy planning her upcoming wedding and spending as much time on her beloved lake as possible… and generally making me miss the South :) .  Here are two favorite posts from her:

Proposal Story

Happy New Year

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Meet My Sponsors

9 Aug By

Aloha, y’all!  From time to time, I like to draw your attention to the left of the screen and the colorful list of buttons at the side of your screen.  Those buttons link to my rockin’ blog sponsors and since I’ve added a few new ones lately (welcome!) I thought I’d encourage you to check out these incredible blogs.  So, starting with my newest additions first, I’m pleased to introduce some lovely fellow bloggers!

Let’s start with fellow runner and a woman of great faith, Megan who blogs at All Things New.  Megan is running a 1/2 Marathon this Fall to support World Vision and she gets extra rockstar points for this feat:  Megan battles the pain and exhaustion of fibromyalgia AND the oppressive heat in TX and she still logs her miles!.  Check out her blog on Fridays for the “Faith Filled Life” link up!

Mind Your Bees and Trees
Next up is Kristen who blogs at Mind Your Bees and Trees.  Kristen makes me want to be a better cook (Jack Nicholson?  No?).  She’s just moved back to the U.S. after being based in Okinawa with her Air Force husband and they are expecting a little one in December – congrats!  Seriously spend some time perusing her recipes – healthy, yummy and she’s my kind of adventurous with new ingredients!

Love Sown

Finally, meet Paige who blogs at Love Sown.  Paige and I share a love for gardening, but while I’m and “enthusiastically mediocre gardener” Paige is a rockstar horticulturist!  In addition to tending a prolific vegetable, herb and flower garden she’s got some amazingly creative ideas for making that garden visually stunning – seriously check out the TeePee and Dome structures she fashioned!  As if that’s not enough, Paige also just opened and online store to sell her handmade pottery…which is beautiful.

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