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I am asked nearly daily how the Big Move to Hawaii is coming along, so a Big Update is in order.  I’ve realized that I’d need a PhD in Nonsensical Logistics to really do justice in writing about the process of moving overseas, so instead of boring confusing you, I thought I’d just address the 10 specific questions I’m asked most:

1. I bet you’re up to your eyeballs in boxes, aren’t you? Nope. Actually the movers will pack for us a couple of days before they take our belongings, so I’m not really going to have to engage too many cardboard boxes directly.

2. How come you’re prepping to move in May when you don’t have to be there until August? Well, mostly because it takes up to 60 days for our HHG (that stands for household goods, ie our stuff) to get on a boat and sail around the world to meet us in Hawaii, and up to 45 days for our cars to arrive and we’re closing on our house in early June so we’ve got to be ready to vacate and the doggone cat’s paperwork had to be in order at least 120 days before we leave…so all of those are why.

3. Is your husband excited about his new job? Um, maybe? We don’t know what he’ll be doing yet. He’s excited about the possibilities.

4. What’s your new house look like? I have no clue. We’ll have to see what the housing wait-list gods give us. And so, until reality kicks in, my answer is this:

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5. When do you leave? From where? Our house? Our current duty station? Our current town? The continental US? All different days right now.

6. Packing up to move is such a pain. Is that stressing you out? No. Four hours on the phone with Delta just to ship my 8 lb cat, 12 hours and 3 offices to determine if I’m fit to move because I have asthma,2 separate minimum 4 hour drives on weekdays to ship our cars, the possibility of 60 days without our belongings, no certainty about permanent housing when we arrive, an ever-growing network of safety-deposit boxes and temporary storage garages, a novel worth of paperwork to confirm Violet doesn’t have rabies, an intricately woven web of auto-transfers required to maintain my bank account, anti-terrorism”classes”, three different shipments of personal belongings, several layers of temporary housing that may or may not be reimbursed, buying new cars, selling or re-homing old ones, trying to seal winter-related belongings into Space Bags (which never stay sealed) and conversations like this one:

“Professional”: You need a valid passport to move to Hawaii.

Me: No, I don’t. Hawaii is in the United States.

“Professional”: No, it’s OCONUS (outside the continental U.S.).

Me: That’s true, but it’s still a state.

“Professional”: Right, so you need an updated passport to move there.

Me: Nope.

… is what’s stressing me out.

7. You’d think you were moving to, like, Antarctica or something. Yes. You would.

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8.. When can we come visit? First? Please sign up on our waitlist. It currently includes everyone we’ve ever met ever. Second? We don’t actually have a place to live yet, so there’s that… Third? Have you looked at airfare yet? Do that first. Fourth? Read the rest of this list..and then give us some time to get settled in, please.

9. I bet you’re learning a lot from this move! Yes. For example, I’ve learned that if a cat is being shipped as cargo, the crate it’s in must be tall enough that said cat can stand up straight without its widdle ears touching the ceiling of said crate. Also, Violet has big ears. I’ve also learned that if an armed attacker starts spraying a room you’re in with bullets it’s better to crouch near the floor than to lay down flat. Finally, I’ve learned that it is possible to have an acronym in which one letter stands for a whole other acronym.

And my favorite question to date:

10. Aren’t you afraid of sharks? While I can’t claim to feel comfortable in the presence of sharks, for the purpose of this move, the answer is no. After all, we won’t actually be swimming to Hawaii and even if we were, I don’t think they’d attached raw meat to us before putting us in the water.

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